The Advice given by My Father That Rescued Us as a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was merely just surviving for a year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of being a father.

However the reality soon proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You aren't in a healthy space. You require assistance. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a wider reluctance to communicate amongst men, who continue to absorb negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a break - going on a short trip away, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, tell a friend, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."