‘A story shared by countless families’: US families of addicted children see themselves in the tragic case – but fear stigma.

When the story surfaced that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it thrust substance use disorder back into the public spotlight. However, parents affected by a child’s addiction are concerned the dialogue will center on an exceedingly rare act of homicide rather than the far more common risks of the condition.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the news. They only knew the Reiners by their work, yet they feel a connection: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to opioids and later illicit drugs, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehabilitation and the legal system. After seven excruciating years, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just tragic,” says Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose loved ones didn’t survive the disease of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a family member’s dependency, housing instability from addiction, or an overdose leading to medical care or death, according to recent data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or tens of millions of people, had a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how rich you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how influential you are,” stated Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a condition that affects the whole family,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the murders will make people “very wary of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg added.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really a threat and the potential for harming others.”

She also advised against jumping to conclusions about the alleged role of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is not known whether drugs or mental health issues were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and substance use disorder, and fill in the gaps to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may lead to agitation, a violent crime like a murder of two people is exceptionally rare.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything remotely close to violent behavior. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is significantly more likely to harm themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not directed at their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get a phone call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, 365 days a year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the hospital saying a son was not breathing; from prison, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle loneliness—questioning whether the addiction stemmed from some parental failure; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are able to achieve recovery.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of illness, you can get over this condition, too. You can recover and be productive,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you stumble, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a university education, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t grasp my hand for help, it’s not going to work,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they cared for him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll reach out and accept help.”